So about six months ago I had the amazing pleasure of meeting a guy called Ryan Gooding! Ryan is a psychic medium and we first found each other by that little link known as a Hashtag! I was searching for a good psychic who may be able to help me with questions I had and also with my own sixth sense. Now people that know me well will know I am a very spiritual person, I am very into the secret and law of attraction and have also had the pleasure of seeing spirits from an early age.
Friday, 30 August 2013
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
So my last few blogs have been quite heart felt and emotional, so it's time to man these blogs up and today I am writing about happiness! That's right I am actually going to bring some positivity and describe all the things I think make and contribute to a happy way of life.
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
Take a good look at those shoulders Tara because that is the last time you will ever see this man! Those were the words that whirled around in my head whilst laying in bed pregnant, scared, confused and poorly, whilst the man I loved stood in front of me, telling me that if I had a termination for him he would take me on holiday! He made it seem like such a treat for an act I was not sure I could carry out or want to do. As he turned to leave my bedroom and head to work, a sick ache filled the pit of my stomach as I knew I could not go through with a termination and therefore I was about to take the last glance at the man who had been the only guy to take my breath away! The man I adored and loved so much was also the man who was about to walk away from his daughter and never be seen again. How was I going to get through this!?
I was 8 weeks pregnant when I found out I was expecting. It had come as a huge shock, as I had just got back from a holiday in Miami where copious amounts of alcohol had been consumed and I was also taking the contraceptive pill. I was living in Rugby Warwickshire and had just received the great news that I had a new job in Birmingham with Social Services. I was living away from my family and friends and as you can imagine I felt completely alone. I always envisaged getting married, having children and living happily ever after. I guess this was a vision I had created and dreamed of due to my own family situation and growing up without my father. You could say I was very shocked when I found myself in a situation I took precautions to prevent. I must say that when I gave James the news that I was pregnant he was extremely good, he offered his support and said whatever decision I made he would stand by me, these were words that I was later to find out were a complete lie and front just to try and twist me into having a termination. Now I am not saying I am totally against abortion because I am not, however we all have our own beliefs and deal with situations differently. For me I could not go through with terminating this pregnancy. For James he could not go through with being a father and sadly that day in my flat was the last day I ever saw him. Throughout being pregnant I battled a lot of demons, I was hurt, let down, angry, hormonal and in love. I had his baby growing inside me yet he wanted no part of her life. It made me very sad that his own mother who you would expect to have maternal instincts, was very nasty to me and also wanted nothing to do with her own grand daughter. I am no angel and whilst pregnant I said a lot of things that were uncalled for and behaved like a psychotic mad woman, however I was pregnant and I had been left to deal with this alone. On top of this my body was changing and I had no control or a partner to share the experience with. Every scan, every movement, every hiccup the baby made or every heart beat heard was experienced only by me and I was alone in this experience. There is nothing more painful then waiting to go into your scan whilst watching all the happy couples waiting excitedly to see their baby on the screen and there I was sat with my mum!! No matter how much people tell you they will be there for you, nothing can take that pain and humiliation away. On the 8th April 2010 Isla-Mae Olivia Young was born weighing 8lbs 4oz at 21:45. I was fortunate enough to have my two great friends Sarah and Chloe at the birth to help me, although I am not sure who was more distressed me or them! But thank you girls for making it as fun and girly as possible. Well the next 4 days I spent recovering in hospital and trying to adapt to being a mum. It was a role I thought would come very easy to me, but in fact I struggled a lot at the start. My whole identity had changed, I had a duty and responsibility along with a loss of freedom. Whatever issues there were between me and James I had tried beyond belief to make him part of Isla-Mae's life, I wanted her to have a daddy but he still wanted no involvement. She is 3 years old now and he has never met her. I don't hate him, not only would it be a wasted emotion it would also be a selfish emotion, as he has his reasons I'm sure and as much as I had a choice, so did he. I hope that he is happy in his life and that no matter what, I will never bad mouth him to his daughter. Maybe one day he will be fortunate enough to have more children, I am sure he will realise just how wonderful it is to be a daddy. Our door is always open to him whatever our circumstances, I just hope that somewhere deep down inside he thinks about her because she asks about him. I do truly believe that our life's path is mapped out for us, and in a way I truly am grateful for James walking away, it has made me a much stronger and independent person. I have learnt many things in the past 3 years, one of those being that he was not a person who was mapped into our world. I feel blessed to have my little girl and when she tells me she loves me and gives me a cuddle my heart melts. I get so much joy and feel so proud to watch her grow, develop and learn and you cannot put a price tag on that. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that after 3 years of blood, sweat and tears I finally have found peace and happiness within myself. I can't answer how and why a father or mother will walk away from their responsibilities I can just be there and try to make up with double the love. If ever Isla-Mae wants to look for her biological father, then I will give her the information to see him however the sad fact remains that she will probably get a door shut in her face. For now my aim is to help and advice single parents through Dream Bear, a passion I have gained through my own experience. It is so important in situations like these to reach out to people, and no one should ever feel ashamed in doing so.
Monday, 12 August 2013
Ever stopped and thought about the friends you have in your life and how much they mean to you? I mean really thought about it!? Well today I have been doing that. From the day you are born you start to form relationships through interaction with other babies at playgroups etc. You then hit school age and wham you are faced with a class room full of new faces, a situation you have never had to deal with before. You start to learn what friendships are about, you push boundaries, you fall out only to make up again! You cry together you laugh together, you share secrets and support each other in times of need! Each week you have a new best friend, you play at each others houses, you may even have sleep overs! Before you know it you are growing not only in age and personality but also in closeness.Sometimes I think we all fall into the trap of taking our friends for granted and it can take something bad to happen to realise you may have neglected that friendship or not made time to invest into the relationship. It can be extremely hard when we all have different lives and differing responsibilities, however a friendship should also mean that you don't have to speak everyday to know you are still a true friend. I have had the pleasure of travelling on some wonderful journeys that have been created through the friends I have and they have helped to shape the person I am today! I really do believe that we become who we surround ourselves by, therefore without sounding harsh if someone is making you unhappy or creating a negative atmosphere around you, then maybe it is time to reevaluate that friendship! True friends do not lie, cheat or bad mouth you, they encourage, support, listen, help and laugh with you :)As a single mum I have relied upon mr friends a great deal! They have supported both me and my daughter. They have helped me laugh when I have been sad, they have helped me become strong when I was weak! Just like the song Let Her Go by Passenger says...........never know you've been high until your feeling low! They have helped me stay focused, positive and driven! And even when I have hit rock bottom they still tolerated me! So I guess this blog is to all my beautiful and wonderful friends that are part of mine and my daughters life to say a huge thank you :) I may not always show my appreciation and at times I can be scatty and un-organised but I do care about each and every one of you dearly, without you all now I would not be here today! Never forget to take time to appreciate and be grateful in life, you never know what tomorrow holds!
Saturday, 10 August 2013
Growing up I always felt like a part of me was missing! A feeling I can only describe to people who have never felt this, as a longing to find a piece of yourself that you feel is out there waiting to be found. Going through primary and secondary school I started to realise my missing link could possibly be down to the fact my father had never played a role in my life since the age of 3. This longing urge and desperation to have that role model of my dad in my world was always brought to my attention in situations where married couples were present. I can always remember quite vividly when round a friends house for tea, how I imagined being part of their family, just for a split second I felt fulfilled and complete! As strange as this may sound to some people, when lacking such a significant person sometimes imagination can help you escape into a world you yearn for! There is that age old saying "don't wish your time away' yet here I am sat in front of the mirror looking at the reflection of a 30 year old female, wondering how I have reached this stage in my life in the blink of an eye. I have a 3 year old daughter who I adore with every bone in my body, yet I find myself carrying the pain of her biological father not wanting to be part of her life. How has this happened to me? How has she come to be in the same situation as her mother? How have I let this happen, how did it happen? I can't help believing the statistics that conclude history tends to repeat itself and that my daughter is a product of me! This is a feeling that I want to turn around and to create a life where she doesn't have to feel half a person like her mummy has for all these years. Although her father is absent (his own decision which I respect & accept) I hope one day I would have created a life for her in which she feels content, happy, fulfilled and loved.